Understanding Trauma: Why You Still Feel Stuck

You may have heard of “big T” trauma (like abuse, loss, assault) and “little t” trauma (like ongoing criticism, emotional neglect, or microaggressions). 

But the truth is — trauma is about the overwhelm. If it was too much, too fast, or too soon for your system to process, and you didn’t have enough support, it can leave a lasting imprint. 

Sometimes trauma comes from a single event. 

Sometimes it comes from a thousand subtle messages over time — that you weren’t safe, lovable, important, or worthy. 

Your system learned how to survive that. But now, you might be realising… you don’t want to just survive anymore.

You may not remember the moment your body went into survival mode… but it remembers. 

Trauma often doesn’t show up as a clear memory — it shows up as patterns that you just can’t seem to shake, like: 

• Constant anxiety, overthinking, or over-performing 
• Always needing to “fix,” “prove,” or “do” — never able to rest 
• Trouble sleeping or feeling safe in your own skin 
• People-pleasing, perfectionism, or fear of getting it wrong 
• Feeling emotionally numb, shut down, or like you’re watching your life from the outside 
• Explosive anger, irritation, or shame that feels out of proportion 

These are not personality flaws. They are adaptive responses — intelligent ways your body learned to keep you safe when things felt too much or not enough. 

Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s just been stuck in protection mode for a long time.

When trauma goes unprocessed, it stays stuck in the body — not as memory, but as tension, emotional reactivity, numbness, or exhaustion. 

You may find yourself: 

• Trying to “think” your way out of pain 
• Overanalysing your patterns but still repeating them 
• Feeling confused about why you’re triggered, angry, avoidant, or shut down 
• Getting stuck in cycles of self-blame: “Why can’t I just get over this?” 

The truth is — your system isn’t resisting healing. It’s waiting to feel safe enough to let go.